If you’ve been lucky enough to have experienced an erotic massage, you’ll know that there’s plenty of do’s and don’ts when it comes to getting your money’s worth. Whether you’re getting a Sensual, Body to Body or Lingam massage, there are guides out there to make your experience truly one of a kind. So here are some tips to help you get the most out of your erotic massage:
Don’t be late for a massage!
If you’re known for your rubbish time keeping, it’s time to get your shit together and sort it. If not, you’re going to feel the wrath of your masseuse, seriously. As you can imagine, erotic massages are in high demand, so most masseuses have pretty hectic schedules to say the least. If you lose track of time and turn up 15 minutes late for your appointment, don’t expect to be greeted with a smile, and be prepared to pay the price, literally.
If you’re sick, stay away!
Okay, we get it. You’re glued to your bed surrounding by a mountain of used tissues and all you want is something to relax and make you feel better. I suppose getting an erotic massage would be a good idea, after all, they do encourage the production of chemicals in the body that will cure or improve your illness. But from one friend to another, I would seriously reconsider. The chances are, your masseuse is going to be getting up close and personal with a few more people that same day, so she’s not going to be very happy if you infect her with your germs. For everyone’s sake, just wait until you’re not a ticking time bomb of sickness, okay? Plus, erotic massages are meant to be sexy, not snotty.
Don’t jump off the massage table
At the end of your massage, your masseuse will leave you for a few moments to compose yourself and pull yourself together (you’ve probably just had the best orgasm ever so you’ll need it). But the last thing you should do is jump off the table like you’re about to start a 100m sprint. You’ll most likely feel slightly dizzy after you’re massage, so take your time and stand up slowly to avoid falling over and smashing your face off the floor. Chances are you’ll be charged for the blood splatter as well, just’sayin’.
Don’t smoke before your session!
Erotic massages can be pretty nerve wracking at first, so having a quick puff beforehand is exactly what you need to calm the nerves. But if I were you, I’d go without. If you’re not a smoker, the smell of lingering smoke is insanely pungent and will probably gross your masseuse out. All masseuses will expect you to have showered beforehand for hygiene reasons, so stinking of cigarettes isn’t going to do you any good. Plus, erotic massages aren’t just great for pleasure, they’re known to help control our breathing and lower your blood pressure. Having lungs full of fresh smoke will actually make it harder for you to breathe and therefore relax, so just stump it out, okay?
Avoid going to Starbucks afterwards
If you’re a coffee drinker, you’ll know that functioning throughout the day can be a struggle without a caffeine fix. If you’ve booked an early morning massage, the chances are you’ll wait till after your session to enjoy your morning brew because you’ll need an energy boost after your relaxing session. Believe it or not, that’s the worst thing you could ever do! If you’re a caffeine addict, you’re better off having a shot of espresso before your massage rather than after, because coffee actually tenses the muscles; reversing the effects of the massage. So basically, if you want to avoid wasting a couple of hundred quid getting a full-body erotic massage, steer clear of Starbucks for the rest of the day.
Hit the gym before, not after your massage
So, you’ve got a Tantric Massage scheduled for 2 O’clock, which means you’ll finish just in time for Body Pump at 3.30. Your massage is over, you’re super relaxed but you’re still going to work out for an hour or so because you need to burn the pizza off you ate last night. You’re halfway through your intense workout and all of a sudden you pull your left hamstring mid-squat – its agony. The question is, why have you sustained an injury from a class you do all the time? The answer is: because of your massage. Working out after a massage is a bad idea because your muscles are relaxed and therefore prone to strain. If you’ve received a deep tissue massage, micro-tearing can occur in the same way as a hard, intense workout, so the muscles need time to recover. Would you run a marathon before warming up your muscles? No, you wouldn’t, but that’s exactly what a massage does to the body, it relaxes it. If you are, however, an OCD gym freak, feel free to sweat it out before your session, if anything, it’ll make your massage more enjoyable.
Be strategic about the timing of your massage
Whilst there’s no right or wrong time to book a massage, you’ll still probably want to deliberate over the timing of your appointment. Re-visit your schedule and select a day that’s relatively empty- the fewer commitments you have, the better. Similarly, sit down and think about what time of day you’d benefit most from deep relaxation. If you lack morning motivation, book your massage for first thing in the morning and benefit from its positive effects for the rest of the day. Alternatively, if you feel that a post-work massage would help you sleep better at night, book your session for the evening. Although you’re going to leave with a smile on your face regardless of the time, squeeze every ounce of positivity out of your session and pick the time that’s best for you.
Put the food down!
Speaking from experience, eating a full meal right before an erotic massage is a baaaaadd idea. First of all, most styles involve a great deal of deep tissue massaging of the stomach, so going into it with a fully belly of grub is going to be mega uncomfortable. Secondly, erotic massages are crazy relaxing, which actually stimulates digestion- I think you know where I’m going with this… Although very unlikely, accidents do happen and it could leave you feeling totally embarrassed and mortified. Most masseuses recommend having a small meal a couple of hours before a session for maximum results, so keep your eating light people!
Don’t forget that if you live in London and are looking for an erotic asian massage experience you should take a look at our main website here and all the sexy masseuses we have available